I apologize for this post being a day late, but I had a bad day yesterday. You know those days where you get lost in your mind and you can't get out? It was one of those. A no good, very bad day.
Nothing happened to make this day bad. I didn't get slighted my favorite pair of sneakers or wake up with gum in my hair; it was just bad. I got to thinking about everything that everyone else was doing or getting or where everyone else's lives are going and my life seemed like a joke. And what's worse, it felt like everyone else that I was focusing on thought my life was a joke. I was trapped in my mind and it was affecting my body.
I felt physically ill because of the negative goose chase my mind was on.
So thank heaven for sisters that I could call and talk to, funny friends with funny Pinterest boards, and oils.
After I wallowed and brooded I told myself that it was just in my head and I needed to shake it off; which can sometimes take a lot of courage to stand up to yourself. Especially when it's easier to sit and stew.
I put on my happy oils (a blend that I put together for myself this summer to help with my anxiety and PPD; peppermint, frankincense, geranium, melaleuca, and roman chamomile), called up one of my sisters to chat, and took the night off. Mr. Sam brought home dinner and I laid on the couch eating a frosty. And life looked so much better.
Of course, those everyone's are still doing, getting, and going and they always will be. But I found strength to validate myself and with the help* of my happy Voo-Doo oils I could call my sister and feel of her love from 1000's of miles away.
*To most of you a phone call to a sibling is a relatively simple task, but for the past few years it has been something that I really struggle with and a source of great anxiety for me; by using my oils to calm me down and provide myself a moment of courage I was able to pick up my phone and do what I knew would bless my life.
**A special thanks to my sister for chatting with me- We didn't talk about much and it wasn't a long call, but I felt so loved and reassured that I'm not a joke, and the people who matter to me don't think I'm a joke. It was a great blessing.
1 comment:
Oh the mind chases! Erin you're not alone. Don't feel bad. When Colin and I were trying to get pregnant with no such luck, I would drive myself into this dark place sometimes. Especially when I'd get on Facebook and see what everyone is doing, and I felt like it wasn't fair. That everyone else got to do all these amazing things with their lives, but I couldn't have the one thing I really wanted. Even though it was a righteous desire. My cure...I had Colin change the password on my Facebook. I only got on once a week for about 30 minutes. It helped, along with praying and all the other righteous stuff we're told to do ;) Hang in there, push through, and know you're not alone. We all go there sometimes.
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